Dear Aunt Flow,

Dear Aunt Flow,

Why did you have to come ruin my day? I was not prepared for your visit.
Why can't you be consistent every month, is that so hard to ask?
Why must you insist on causing me pain, Isn't bleeding like a stuck pig enough for you?
And really I don't approve of the additonal bloating and water retention, come on I am not exactly petite and don't need any help in that department.
I am fully expecting the cramps to go away soon or else.. your lucky it's a good thing I have tylenol in stock.
This better end in 5 days or less, 7 days is just torture you know, no really it's just cruel.
Can't we just pass this lovely gift onto men just this one time? I would really appreciate it. I don't care if it kills them because I have had enough of it already.

Damn you eve...that apple better have been delicious.

Sincerely one of your billions of constituents,
Crystal